Damnable Hips
by Akkiko
Summary: Azel makes a comment on Calintz's hips and it all goes to hell from there....Shounenai. Pairings AzelAgreianHarenxCalintz


**Author's notes:** Randomness? Yes, reading Magna Carta fanfiction online seems to have been a mistake, my muses have popped into activity… The song "Hips don't lie" certainly doesn't help… I've attempted a style very similar to script form for this story, I felt adding actions to it would weaken it. (I could also just say I am undeniably LAZY.)

**Thanks:** Credit for the story undeniably goes to resu'nik for her undeniably amusing story _Insomnia_. It rather inspired some interesting crack scenes in my mind that led to this wonderful little terror...

**Summary:** Axel, I mean Azel… (don't deny that all you Kingdom Hearts players thought of that! Or maybe I'm just obsessed…) comments on how girly Calintz's hips look and stirs shit up.

**Warnings:** Yaoi, randomness, crack, other good stuff. The fun things of insanity.

**Pairings:** AzelxCalintz, AgreianxCalintz, HarenxCalintz, basically Calintz gets to be cabin boy of the yaoi ship today…

**Disclaimer:** Would I be proud to own such androgynous males? Probably… but do I actually own them? Sadly not… I've only rented them for an hour. :X

* * *

"Captain… you have nice hips." 

"…? Azel… what did you just say?"

"You have nice hips! Well, really you actually have a nice figure, but I notice your hips the most."

"… and why is that?"

"Well you can't help but notice the damn things Calintz, they're poking out like a striptease!"

"_Eonis_!"

"Don't they Eonis?"

"Certainly, I'll admit they're very curvy, quite nice actually, I kind of envy them…"

"Can we get off the topic of Calintz's hips? You're making me sick."

"Oh hush Haren."

"Crazy bitch…"

"I'll roast your balls Haren if you don't be quiet."

"…" Twitch.

"I agree with Haren," _for once._ "can we change topics?"

"You know Captain, I bet with your figure you'd make a pretty good looking girl. Hey! If we ever get a mission to infiltrate someplace in disguise can we dress the captain up like a girl?"

"_W-WHAT?_"

"_Oooooo…_ you know I have the _perfect_ dress for him! Midnight black and very smooth… we'd have to pad him of course… Oh I've always wanted to see Calintz in a dress!"

"**EONIS!**"

"Oh hush up Calintz, we'll make you all nice and pretty for your darling General Agreian. Now about the shoes-"

"MAKE ME NICE AND PRETTY FOR **WHO**?!"

"Calintz, be quiet."

"Haren_, do something!_"

"Sorry Calintz, I value my manhood over your dignity. Besides… you really do have girly hips."

"**HAREN!**"

"Hey don't take it out on me because your feminine!"

"_Feminine?_ You're one to talk you anemic waist-line!"

"**HEY.** That's it! You're on your own pretty boy!"

"Oh Haren just admit it, you want to see the Captain in a dress as much as we do."

"Say _WHAT_?"

"_Azel!_"

"Oh I know you're a little embarrassed Captain but it's only the truth."

"I am **not** interested in seeing Calintz in any freakin' girly outfit you're planning to come up with-!!"

"Oh forget him Azel, he hasn't come out of the closet."

"I hope he's come out of the closet… it must be awfully dark in there…"

"_Reith!_ You have to help me-!"

"We're going to dress him up in a dress but he's a little shy, you'll help won't you Reith?"

"Oh? Of course Eonis! Don't worry Calintz, I was a little shy when I wore my first dress too! At least… I think I was…"

"… _et tu Brutus?_"

"Hm? What's wrong Calintz?"

"Reith… don't you think it's a little wrong for me to be wearing a dress?"

"Huh? Why?"

"… because I'm a man…?"

"_I_ wear dresses! And I'm a woman too!"

"…" Sigh.

"Exactly, now come on Calintz we're losing daylight and we still have to get you all nice and pretty for Agreian!"

"W-WHAT? EONIS LET GO! I DEMAND YOU LET ME GO- **_EONIS!!!_**"

* * *

"Uhm…General… you have a… a visitor." 

"Hm? Who is it?"

"It appears to be… the… the… Tears… of Blood…"

"Oh, well send them in!" _What's wrong with him?_

"Y-yes sir… I'll… return shortly…"

"Hmm…"

"_Hello_, General Agreian!"

"Huh? Oh… Eonis, hello, I wasn't expecting to see you, I was expecting-"

"Yes sir, Calintz, I know." Giggle.

"Eonis… why do you sound so breathless?"

"Oh never you mind General, this way, we have something to show you in the hallway!"

"Well, alright." Chuckle. "You sound like you just dragged Calintz bound, gagged and kicking and screaming through the Temple."

"General Agreian, you're psychic!"

"… I'm what?"

"Behold! We made him nice and pretty for you General!"

"A-Azel? W-what is the meaning-?"

"Don't look at me, I had nothing to do with this."

"_Haren?_"

"Isn't he pretty General Agreian?"

"Is he…? Reith?"

"Treat him gently, it is his first time after all General."

"J-just what are you saying Eonis?!"

"_You're fired! _Every single one of you, **FIRED!** Just wait until I get these ropes undone, I'll hack you all to bits! Agreian get me out of this atrocity!"

"…"

"Hey General… you're blushing." Giggle.

"… _whoo_…" THUD.

"Uhm… the General just fainted…"

"Just as well, I've been dying to put him in a dress too."

"Eonis… you're a very, scary bitch."

"Why thank you Haren."

"Wahoo! I get to do the makeup this time!"

"Awww… I wanted to do that Azel…"

"We'll do it together Reith!"

"Great!"

"And the reign of terror continues…" Calintz muttered darkly.

_And off in the corner…_

"Uhm… Mistress Ladrinne…?"

"Hm? What is it Justina?"

"Are you uhm… comfortable, leaving Master Agreian to this uh… situation?

"Why of course! It's only a bit of harmless fun." Giggle.

"Er… his uhm… reputation may take a substantial blow…"

"Nothing that can't be recovered, and besides, there are plenty of rumors afloat of his involvement with Calintz, this won't do much more. Besides…"

"Be…sides…?"

"I've always wanted to see Agreian in a dress! I've always wondered if he had been born a girl what he would look like!" Giggle.

"A-as you say… Mistress Ladrinne…" _poor Agreian…_


End file.
